- Mar Aoû 21, 2007 1:18 pm
#12927
The Way of Change
It is an interesting experience, looking deeply into oneself.
Most people never do it. Whether if by choice, or by circumstance, most people focus solely on life outside of themselves. Most people accept, or give in, to the way things are, and then do their best to make it through. They live their entire lives floating through their own existence, feeling as though something is missing, but never searching for what that might be. For exploring the unknown and questing for truth and meaning in life might cause their mundane, but familiar, existence to collapse in on itself. Familiarity, though it breeds contempt, is easy, safe, certain. They might be miserable, they might hate their jobs, their relationships may be painful and destructive, but at least they know what to expect. It is always easier to accept the pain and drudgery of life than it is to find some way to change it.
I know, because not too long ago, that was me. And although I never want to revert back to that type of existence, I do understand why most people choose to live that way. Fear. For nothing can be as disturbing, disquieting, and downright frightening as looking closely at the one part of your life that you thought you had all figured out. Yourself.
Beginning the Journey
6:00 am. The howl of the alarm clock pierces the silent darkness of your room, jolting you from your slumber, screaming at you to get out of bed and face the world. Your thoughts race to the drudgery and discomforts of your life, and you long to stay safe and protected, hidden in the comforting solitude of your sanctuary. You yearn for a few more moments of rest and protection from the day, but you know you cannot postpone the inevitable. You somehow muster all your strength and energy and courage and resolve to abandon the warm comfort of your cocoon and expose yourself to the uncaring, uncertain world that awaits. Those first steps are the hardest you will take all day.
And so it is with every journey.
My wake up call came after reading Style’s book, “The Game,” but, at the time, I didn’t realize how deep the change would really be. Like all those new to this community, I was amazed by the things I was reading. I was joyful and eager and giddy at the prospects that lay ahead. I read “The Game” multiple times in short succession. I searched though the forums for all the information and tips my mind could comprehend. I studied the VAH at every moment I could spare. This stuff was amazing… everything I needed to know to become a success with women and in life. What else was there? I was happy.
But… then something entered my consciousness that I never even considered. Something so disturbing that if I had thought of it before I entered this world, I wouldn’t be here writing this.
So who am I, and what the fuck have I been doing for the past 3 decades?
Boom. Thermal Nuclear Meltdown.
This thought was so disconcerting that I became paralyzed with fear. I finally started hearing the screeching of the alarm clock in my mind that started ringing weeks ago. It was now time for me to wake up, and leave the safety of my lonely, brooding existence and face the world. I have started something that I can no longer stop. I have peered into the abyss and there was no way to eradicate the image from my mind. I have gone past the point of no return into someplace I had never allowed myself to go, for it meant the end of the existence that I had resigned myself to. I had to completely change.
Oh my God, what have I done?
I felt as though I was at the final moments of my life, when everything you have ever done or thought or loved or said runs through your consciousness. Every moment of the past 30 years flew through my mind with disgusting clarity. All my decisions and beliefs and truths and dreams that I held onto suddenly came into focus, and I couldn’t bear to look. I was nothing the way I had pictured myself decades ago. The life I had led was not of integrity and meaning, it was of fear and complacency. I always saw myself as a man of excellence, when in reality, I was an excellent example of mediocrity. I suddenly understood why I dreaded this life, for I wasn’t living a life at all. And I knew what had to happen so I could begin again and become the man I wanted me to be.
I had to die.
“But how could that be? How could everything about me have been so wrong? How did I let myself get to this place? Where did I go wrong? How bad could I be, right? I mean, I’m not perfect, but I am OK, right?” I pleaded with myself to be wrong.
“No. I am not OK.” I could no longer be forgiving. I could no longer be blind to this life. This life is almost half over, and I havn't even touched upon the man I should be. Enough. I had enough. It was time to start again from nothing.
In order for the real man to live, the man I had become had to die. So I made the hardest decision of my life. I decided to let him go. My ego continued to fight me to prevent its death. “You haven’t done so badly for yourself… your life is pretty good,” it would say. But even it, as strong and powerful as our egos are, knew it was wrong. “Pretty good” was not good enough, and I now knew it. If a total stranger came up to you and told you had failed and you were living a life of complacency, you would use every iota of your being to prove him wrong, for who is he to tell you who you are. But when you realize it on your own, there can be no battle, for you know it is true. You have always known, but you were too afraid to search inside yourself, because deep down you knew what you would find… that you have been lying to yourself, fooling yourself into believing that everything was good, when all you were good at was deceiving yourself.
That is when my real journey began. The path of transformation had just been laid out for me, since the one thing that was standing in my way has just been destroyed. Myself.
In order to create, you must destroy. As harsh as that may be, it is the way the Universe runs. In order for me to change, I have to leave the life I had behind, and start again.
When you know something is wrong, but cannot seem to find what it is, it is because you are looking for it with the wrong perspective. To change this life that you don’t want, you have to first stop looking at it through the eyes that this life has conditioned. I had to stop looking at my life through my eyes, and see life through the eyes of the man I wanted to become.
Every journey begins with one step. This was mine.
Building the Path
There are many ways to a destination. But there is no path to follow. We are all part of the same consciousness. We all share the same energy. But we are all different. We can emulate the path of another man, but in order to succeed, we must build our own path. If I follow the path laid down by another, I will only become that man, but if I create my own path, then I will become the best man I can be.
The tools are there for every man to use, but it is you and you alone that must build and create the path on which you will transform. No matter what method you choose, The Mystery Method, NLP, Juggler’s method, Badboy’s method, Style’s method, they are only tools that you have to have the courage to use to build your future. But you must start somewhere. While these tools will help you create the man you desire to be, it is up to you have a foundation upon which to build this new being.
And sometimes, like in my case, that means ripping out everything that was there before and starting over again. After 30 years of living an unfulfilled, uninspired life, it was time to start over.
But the tools are there for a reason. They work. They work incredibly well. I know I can become that man I see in my mind, but it is up to me to use those tools. The architectural plans of the man I am to become mean nothing if I don’t pick up those tools and begin to work. And it will be work, for I am starting from nothing. I should be afraid. I should fear the future, for everything up to this point has been so disappointing. But I do not… for I know that I see things a different way. And that was the hardest step to take. It takes the most courage for you to admit that everything is wrong and tear it down. If that is plaguing you, if that frightens you, think of it this way… you are only giving up that which you don’t want in the first place. And even if you stumble along the way, you still are closer to becoming that man, for you are learning what it is like to be that man, mistakes and all.
So what happens when the ghost of who you were comes to haunt you? Rest assured that it will come back from time to time, when you least expect it , and try and taunt you back into your old life. How do you escape the clutches of the life that trapped you for so many years? By relying on your new name to ground you to the new you. When we joined these forums, we all picked a name for ourselves. Originally, I just thought it was some cool nickname that PUAs used in the community, allowing anonymity online. But it goes much deeper than that, at least for me. When my demons return to try and suck the light out of my new existence, I just quietly say to myself, “Frontman, that is not who you are anymore. You are Frontman. You will succeed.” And those demons can no longer overpower me. I know what it says on driver’s license and my birth certificate. I use my given name in public, even when meeting new women. But in my mind, in the place where I truly exist, I see me as Frontman, for the old me is gone. So those demons cannot hurt me, since the one they are after no longer exists.
I don’t know what is going to happen next. I don’t know how this life will play out for me. But this time, I am building it the way I want it to be, no matter what that takes. I am building my own path. I am in control, and I have taken responsibility for myself.
The hardest part of any transformation is admitting to yourself that you have to change.
The easiest thing to forget is that we are only leaving behind that life which no we longer want.
The Tao of Transformation, the way of change, can only begin when you journey into the one place where the greatest change must happen…
All My Best,
Frontman
It is an interesting experience, looking deeply into oneself.
Most people never do it. Whether if by choice, or by circumstance, most people focus solely on life outside of themselves. Most people accept, or give in, to the way things are, and then do their best to make it through. They live their entire lives floating through their own existence, feeling as though something is missing, but never searching for what that might be. For exploring the unknown and questing for truth and meaning in life might cause their mundane, but familiar, existence to collapse in on itself. Familiarity, though it breeds contempt, is easy, safe, certain. They might be miserable, they might hate their jobs, their relationships may be painful and destructive, but at least they know what to expect. It is always easier to accept the pain and drudgery of life than it is to find some way to change it.
I know, because not too long ago, that was me. And although I never want to revert back to that type of existence, I do understand why most people choose to live that way. Fear. For nothing can be as disturbing, disquieting, and downright frightening as looking closely at the one part of your life that you thought you had all figured out. Yourself.
Beginning the Journey
6:00 am. The howl of the alarm clock pierces the silent darkness of your room, jolting you from your slumber, screaming at you to get out of bed and face the world. Your thoughts race to the drudgery and discomforts of your life, and you long to stay safe and protected, hidden in the comforting solitude of your sanctuary. You yearn for a few more moments of rest and protection from the day, but you know you cannot postpone the inevitable. You somehow muster all your strength and energy and courage and resolve to abandon the warm comfort of your cocoon and expose yourself to the uncaring, uncertain world that awaits. Those first steps are the hardest you will take all day.
And so it is with every journey.
My wake up call came after reading Style’s book, “The Game,” but, at the time, I didn’t realize how deep the change would really be. Like all those new to this community, I was amazed by the things I was reading. I was joyful and eager and giddy at the prospects that lay ahead. I read “The Game” multiple times in short succession. I searched though the forums for all the information and tips my mind could comprehend. I studied the VAH at every moment I could spare. This stuff was amazing… everything I needed to know to become a success with women and in life. What else was there? I was happy.
But… then something entered my consciousness that I never even considered. Something so disturbing that if I had thought of it before I entered this world, I wouldn’t be here writing this.
So who am I, and what the fuck have I been doing for the past 3 decades?
Boom. Thermal Nuclear Meltdown.
This thought was so disconcerting that I became paralyzed with fear. I finally started hearing the screeching of the alarm clock in my mind that started ringing weeks ago. It was now time for me to wake up, and leave the safety of my lonely, brooding existence and face the world. I have started something that I can no longer stop. I have peered into the abyss and there was no way to eradicate the image from my mind. I have gone past the point of no return into someplace I had never allowed myself to go, for it meant the end of the existence that I had resigned myself to. I had to completely change.
Oh my God, what have I done?
I felt as though I was at the final moments of my life, when everything you have ever done or thought or loved or said runs through your consciousness. Every moment of the past 30 years flew through my mind with disgusting clarity. All my decisions and beliefs and truths and dreams that I held onto suddenly came into focus, and I couldn’t bear to look. I was nothing the way I had pictured myself decades ago. The life I had led was not of integrity and meaning, it was of fear and complacency. I always saw myself as a man of excellence, when in reality, I was an excellent example of mediocrity. I suddenly understood why I dreaded this life, for I wasn’t living a life at all. And I knew what had to happen so I could begin again and become the man I wanted me to be.
I had to die.
“But how could that be? How could everything about me have been so wrong? How did I let myself get to this place? Where did I go wrong? How bad could I be, right? I mean, I’m not perfect, but I am OK, right?” I pleaded with myself to be wrong.
“No. I am not OK.” I could no longer be forgiving. I could no longer be blind to this life. This life is almost half over, and I havn't even touched upon the man I should be. Enough. I had enough. It was time to start again from nothing.
In order for the real man to live, the man I had become had to die. So I made the hardest decision of my life. I decided to let him go. My ego continued to fight me to prevent its death. “You haven’t done so badly for yourself… your life is pretty good,” it would say. But even it, as strong and powerful as our egos are, knew it was wrong. “Pretty good” was not good enough, and I now knew it. If a total stranger came up to you and told you had failed and you were living a life of complacency, you would use every iota of your being to prove him wrong, for who is he to tell you who you are. But when you realize it on your own, there can be no battle, for you know it is true. You have always known, but you were too afraid to search inside yourself, because deep down you knew what you would find… that you have been lying to yourself, fooling yourself into believing that everything was good, when all you were good at was deceiving yourself.
That is when my real journey began. The path of transformation had just been laid out for me, since the one thing that was standing in my way has just been destroyed. Myself.
In order to create, you must destroy. As harsh as that may be, it is the way the Universe runs. In order for me to change, I have to leave the life I had behind, and start again.
When you know something is wrong, but cannot seem to find what it is, it is because you are looking for it with the wrong perspective. To change this life that you don’t want, you have to first stop looking at it through the eyes that this life has conditioned. I had to stop looking at my life through my eyes, and see life through the eyes of the man I wanted to become.
Every journey begins with one step. This was mine.
Building the Path
There are many ways to a destination. But there is no path to follow. We are all part of the same consciousness. We all share the same energy. But we are all different. We can emulate the path of another man, but in order to succeed, we must build our own path. If I follow the path laid down by another, I will only become that man, but if I create my own path, then I will become the best man I can be.
The tools are there for every man to use, but it is you and you alone that must build and create the path on which you will transform. No matter what method you choose, The Mystery Method, NLP, Juggler’s method, Badboy’s method, Style’s method, they are only tools that you have to have the courage to use to build your future. But you must start somewhere. While these tools will help you create the man you desire to be, it is up to you have a foundation upon which to build this new being.
And sometimes, like in my case, that means ripping out everything that was there before and starting over again. After 30 years of living an unfulfilled, uninspired life, it was time to start over.
But the tools are there for a reason. They work. They work incredibly well. I know I can become that man I see in my mind, but it is up to me to use those tools. The architectural plans of the man I am to become mean nothing if I don’t pick up those tools and begin to work. And it will be work, for I am starting from nothing. I should be afraid. I should fear the future, for everything up to this point has been so disappointing. But I do not… for I know that I see things a different way. And that was the hardest step to take. It takes the most courage for you to admit that everything is wrong and tear it down. If that is plaguing you, if that frightens you, think of it this way… you are only giving up that which you don’t want in the first place. And even if you stumble along the way, you still are closer to becoming that man, for you are learning what it is like to be that man, mistakes and all.
So what happens when the ghost of who you were comes to haunt you? Rest assured that it will come back from time to time, when you least expect it , and try and taunt you back into your old life. How do you escape the clutches of the life that trapped you for so many years? By relying on your new name to ground you to the new you. When we joined these forums, we all picked a name for ourselves. Originally, I just thought it was some cool nickname that PUAs used in the community, allowing anonymity online. But it goes much deeper than that, at least for me. When my demons return to try and suck the light out of my new existence, I just quietly say to myself, “Frontman, that is not who you are anymore. You are Frontman. You will succeed.” And those demons can no longer overpower me. I know what it says on driver’s license and my birth certificate. I use my given name in public, even when meeting new women. But in my mind, in the place where I truly exist, I see me as Frontman, for the old me is gone. So those demons cannot hurt me, since the one they are after no longer exists.
I don’t know what is going to happen next. I don’t know how this life will play out for me. But this time, I am building it the way I want it to be, no matter what that takes. I am building my own path. I am in control, and I have taken responsibility for myself.
The hardest part of any transformation is admitting to yourself that you have to change.
The easiest thing to forget is that we are only leaving behind that life which no we longer want.
The Tao of Transformation, the way of change, can only begin when you journey into the one place where the greatest change must happen…
All My Best,
Frontman
